Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
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Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
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Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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