just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
