i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
