Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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