I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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