I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
