the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
