dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
