I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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