i was born a porn star she said
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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