If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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