I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
