Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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