Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
