Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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