So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
