Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
