Screwed.edu
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
