She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
