fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
