I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
