Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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