i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
