I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
