no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
