Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
