Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
