She's JV to your varsity
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
