Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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