im holly from the hills drunk
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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