I hope mine doesn't look like that
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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