What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i think i just lost a toe
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