I have demons in me.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
