she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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