I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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