I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
