Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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