Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
