my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
