Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
