let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
