and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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