I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
