My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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