4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
In the future we'll all be gay
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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