There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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