You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
