What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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