it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
