it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
