**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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