just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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