Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize