I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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