I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
