is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
