We named our party play list daddy issues
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize