Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
