Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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