Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
