So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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