you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
