go do what you do best...puke behind churches
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
