Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
