So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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