I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
