I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
